Can we just take a moment to appreciate our wonderful friends? What are the characteristics of a good friend? After some research and years of experience, I’m going to share a few green flags in a reliable friendship.
What are the “green flags” of friendship? What exactly does that mean?
To begin, let’s define green flags in the context of friendship. Consider it a stoplight. A red light or a red flag means STOP. A red flashing light, for example, serves as a warning. Red typically indicates that an individual should come to a halt, observe, and listen.
A green flag is the polar opposite of that. A green flag, like a green light, indicates that you should proceed. It indicates that you are safe, that everything appears to be in order, and that you can continue with confidence.
How do we recognize positive signs in relationships?
Some people may find it difficult to identify a green flag. Those who have experienced relationship-based trauma or toxic relationships are especially at risk. Those experiences may make a person feel as if they can’t trust their romantic or platonic relationships.
However, as an adult, I’ve developed a system that works for me when it comes to selecting friends. First, I look within.
When I share my time with someone, I look for the following signals:
Before anything else, I pay attention to how my body reacts when I’m in the presence of that specific person. You can accomplish this by asking yourself the following questions:
• Do I have tense muscles?
• Do I suffer from anxiety?
• Do I have an uneasy feeling that something bad is about to happen?
• Do I get nervous every time?
• Do I feel irritated?
• Do I feel uneasy, guilty, or worried after speaking with this person?
All of these are signals sent by our bodies when something doesn’t feel right. Energy is everything, whether we can understand it logically or not. This is much easier to follow when you trust your intuition, which I understand isn’t always the easiest thing to do.
You can also keep these green flags in friendship in mind to help you identify a good friend. Is your pal a keeper? Do they bring out your best qualities?
These are some of the signs that your friendship is in good health. Along with the green flags, it’s critical to recognize friendship red flags. If you don’t see any red flags, that’s fantastic! You should feel at ease moving forward with your friendship.
These green flags for friends are listed in no particular order. All are important in healthy friendships.
You laugh hysterically together.
There’s something so special about laughing hysterically with someone. It’s rare to find people who bring you that sort of endless joy. It’s the belly laughs that make you hurt, cry, and be speechless.
If you find a friend you can truly, fully laugh with – keep them close.
- Conversations involve personal growth and life goals.
Another great green flag to look for in a friend is healthy conversation. If you find yourself discussing deep or difficult topics, with respect and ease – that’s a great sign. Long-lasting friends will be able to discuss topics like spiritual growth, personal development, and life goals – without judgement or discomfort.
Some examples of healthy conversation topics include:
- Spirituality, beliefs, religion, core values, God, The After Life, Human Design, Astrology, etc. (these are heavy topics that should be discussed with those who respect you.)
- Career Development and Goals, Education
- Fitness, healthy living, body image
- Mental health, anxiety, stress, depression.
- Social topics, advocacy, giving back
- Healing, triggers, self-love, improvement
The whole idea is that you can discuss big, heavy topics openly without fear of disrespect, judgement, or regret.
- No gossip.
Another important green flag in a friendship is when you don’t find yourselves gossiping the entire time. Many friendships are built on gossip, whereas your whole relationship is built on badmouthing others. It’s not cute, sis.
As mentioned above, a green flag is conversations around big life movements rather than the lives of others. It’s so easy to spiral when gossiping and it never makes you feel good afterwards. It’s a habit, an addiction, and not a good foundation for a friendship.
Please understand the difference between venting and gossiping. One is mean-spirited, and the other is a form of release.
If they gossip to you – they may gossip about you. It’s not good to feel about the things you say to a friend.
- You can show up as yourself every single time.
This is another hard-to-find type of friend, especially if you have insecurities. A good signal of a healthy friendship is feeling as if you can show up as yourself every time. This means you can wear sweats, and messy hair, and not feel embarrassed. You can be frustrated with your kids or cry about a relationship and not feel guilty. They allow you to be quirky or weird or goody without feeling judged. Your house can be a mess, you can be cheap you can just be you.
True friends only want the real you. They love all of you and think the extra stuff is charming.
- No judgment.
This is piggybacking off of the above. You should never feel as if your friend is judging you. When we feel judged, we automatically do one of the following: put walls up, share a false version of ourselves, and judge someone back.
You should feel as if the person trusts who you are and isn’t creating a new version of you in their mind. When someone truly loves you, a friend or partner, they know who you are – even if you say or do something out of character.
This is it for this week. Check back next week for the other five critical green flags to be aware of. Have a wonderful week.
Please share among your friends
